On a daily basis I’m thinking...
Are they eating enough? Am I ruining their eating habits by allowing them to eat dessert before dinner sometimes? Or are they eating too much ? Maybe it will all catch up with them, and they will be couch potatoes as grown adults, binge watching and throwing down a pack of cookies.
Are they staying active? Maybe they should be in like 3 different extracurricular classes after school to teach them the importance of team work and competition. Or are they too active? Am I preoccupying their little brains with way too much activity and information all at once that it makes them so restless? Gosh their so little, I might be expecting too much. And that can lead to adults who need to stay busy at all times in order to feel good about themselves. They won’t understand the importance of down time & taking in the sound of silence.
Will my child ever feel comfortable pooping in the potty? What if he’s 13 years old and still has the potty scares, is that even possible? Should I be training their bodies to wake up and pee in the middle of the night, or maybe they will eventually just learn to do it themselves. I might have to start buying adult pampers for them soon if we can’t get it together. That will be interesting!
How much screen time is too much screen time? Am I allowing them to rot their brain with all the technology around them. God forbid I live to just see them as adults who can’t bear to be without their cellphone for 2.5 seconds! But then again, I am very impressed by how well my six year old can search for something so quickly and effectively all on his own. I mean google is a huge part of your adult life. You need an answer, leave it to google to teach you all that was left un answered.
So many questions that I ask myself on a regular basis that sound so silly when I look back, because I’m so worried that it can make or break their future.. and for the most part it won’t. It really won’t.
At the end of each day I wonder if I said I love you enough, if I was comforting enough, but not too much. If I was helpful enough, but not over the top. If I asked them enough questions about their day, or way too many? Oh crap, they drank a bit too much juice and not enough water. Motherhood is just a huge worry hole that I didn’t even know I was stuck in. I can’t figure out how to get out. But I am figuring out how to feel a bit more comfortable in this hole.
Constant reminders that they are JUST kids still is a big thing. I have to remember that stages are stages, and they will change by age, but it doesn’t necessarily mean it will get easier. I believe we worry so much because the society we live in is always pressuring us to be so perfect, at everything. If you aren’t super mom prepping four course meals every night, then you don’t deserve praise. If your child isn’t two years old and reciting all of the 50 states already you are labeled as a I don’t care kind of mom. Parenting just keeps getting harder by the minute because we don’t share the messy stuff as often as the good, and both parts are very important. I will take a step back today and remind myself that soon enough my kids will be adults and all the struggles we went through with them as children won’t stay into their adulthood, so let me just embrace it now. All the messiness, all the chaos. Let me stop worrying about if they will be okay in the long run, and just make sure they are happy and healthy right now. Live in the now.