Monday, January 13, 2020
Mom Shame From Moms.
I was looking through mom groups on Facebook not long ago and I came across a post where a mom was venting about how she never gets time to herself, and is with her children 24-7 because she doesn’t have much help from her family. So she was expressing how lonely she feels, and worn out. She craves for some down time. Let me tell you that it saddened me to see how many hateful comments she got under her post. Many moms actually commented how she was ungrateful, and she shouldn’t have ever had kids in the first place. Many went on to say that they never get a break from their kids and they are the happiest moms ever. They said they wouldn’t have it any other way, because it’s “ what they signed up for”.
If you ask me, they either A- have the most well behaved and angelic children in the whole entire world, plus a chef who cooks all their meals, and a housekeeper who cleans the house daily and does their weekly laundry. Or B - they are straight up lying!
I absolutely love my boys. I don't think anyone in this world could disagree with that, or think opposite. But when they act like complete terrors who make me believe that they are intentionally living and breathing to mentally and physically break me, trust me i'm looking for a way out - even if it's just for 20 minutes of it.
The fact that we try to make other mothers feel bad for wanting a break from their normal day to day life is really hard for me to understand. We are all so stuck on what is the "right way" to feel as a parent when in reality their is never a right way, there is just your way. We don't even allow ourselves to feel certain things because we are so worried about what the next mom might think.
Every single time I think about post kids Jessica, I laugh. Because the expectations I had for myself as a parent were just crazy, and we all do it. We all say " Well when I become a parent I am not going to let my child be - that kind of - child, and guess what? You basically do. You have no idea what it is like to be a parent until you have fully gone through with it and experienced the intense tantrums and the tiring late nights. So I get where all the negativity comes from when it comes from people who have yet to have children, because they do not know any better. But as moms we need to stop making believe we are so perfect and have no cares in the world because we know all the "right ways" to parent. It's just so unfair to put another moms feelings to shame just because you don't really feel that way.
We have to be more compassionate with each other, and understand that not all of us have the same life, beliefs or time - and thats okay! We have to just lift each other up and help each other out. When you see a mom going through something you can't relate just let her know that she's amazing, and regardless of the situation she can overcome it. Be a light at the end of the tunnel for someone, not a black whole of darkness. You have no idea how much of an impact one simple positive sentence can make in another momma's life who is just trying to keep it all together!